I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
