Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
