I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
