I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
