margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize