There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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