I hate all girls vehemently.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
