if you like me you must not know who I am
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
