I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
