Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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