Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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