i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
just tell him i said nine months
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
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If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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