I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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