she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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