ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
no, he came in my armpit
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
