I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize