Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You can't just leave with hair like that
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
