the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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