At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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