you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
