My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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