i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
