Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
