I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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