Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
