I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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