nut hugger
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
