Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
