im about as happy as oj after his trial
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
