I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
