Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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