Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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