The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
