When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
as a side note pls kill me
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