I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
