You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
this must be what syphilis tastes like
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
