she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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