She's JV to your varsity
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
