Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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