Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
