Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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