did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
