I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
