She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
