my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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