Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
