I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
