bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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