we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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