I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
