It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
