I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
