dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
