Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
