Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I don't deserve a penis
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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