im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
