Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
