Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
