You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
