felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Someone shattered a urinal.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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