i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
