Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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