Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
