watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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