i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
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