I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
