i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
