My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
