Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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