I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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