You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
