why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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