He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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