mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize