I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
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i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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