So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
