I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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