Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
