When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
