he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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