I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The beer is more important than you right now.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
