she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
