Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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