Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
